What’s Going On and How to Gently Support Your Baby
Separation anxiety is a completely normal and healthy stage of your baby’s development—but when it starts affecting sleep, it can feel really tough. It can surface for many reasons so if bedtime suddenly becomes a battle or naps are shorter than ever, you’re not alone. So many of the families I work with experience a shift in their baby’s sleep around the same time separation anxiety kicks in. Let’s talk about what’s happening and how you can support your little one (and yourself) through it.
What Is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety usually shows up at various points between 6–18 months (though it can come earlier or later), with the 8 month mark being a particularly common time. There are two sides to separation anxiety to consider - the emotional response and cognitive development. Younger babies will let you know that they need you or that they miss you by crying. This is their emotional response. The cognitive side is a little more complex and is more heightened around 8-10 months. At this stage your baby begins to understand that you exist even when you’re not in the room—and that realisation can feel unsettling. The scientific term for this is 'object permenance' and the good news is that it's completely normal and a sign your baby is developing exactly as they should be. I know what you're thinking - 'if my baby knows I still exist, why are they so upset?' Well... it comes down to the unknown. Your baby doesn't know that you will return. Your baby wonders when you will return and where you've gone. All of these feelings and questions are new and new can be frightening. Because sleep is a period of separation, it makes sense that sleep may be a little wonky during this time.
How It Affects Sleep
When separation anxiety hits, you might notice:
- More crying at bedtime or nap time
- Frequent night waking
- Shorter naps
- Resistance to being put down unless fully asleep
It can feel like all the sleep progress you’ve made has disappeared overnight. But I promise, it hasn’t. This is just a developmental phase, and with the right support, you and your baby will come through it stronger. Right now, they are looking for a sense of safety and comfort - and you know exactly how to deliver on that!
How to Gently Support Your Baby
- Meet the need by responding to their need for comfort and security. Being close, offering comfort and being consistent helps them feel secure.
- Continue to offer a consistent sleep routine which will help your baby feel safe because they know what’s coming next. Even something as simple as the same lullaby, a cuddle and a gentle phrase like “It’s sleepy time now” can become a powerful comfort.
- Practice separation during the day by playing peekaboo games, reading lift-the-flap books or stepping out of the room briefly and returning. This will help build their confidence that you always come back. They may sound simple but these small moments add up and aid an understanding that objects and people do return even when we can't see them.
- If your baby is over 12 months, a soft comforter/lovey can help them feel more secure at sleep times. It’s like a little piece of you they can hold onto and will support transitions.
- Self care is really important too. I know it’s challenging when your baby needs more of you, especially if your own sleep is suffering but looking after yourself will enable you to meet your baby's needs better. Lean on support where you can and carve out moments for yourself. It doesn't have to be much - go for a walk alone, pour your coffee into a special cup or make your favourite meal.
You’re Not Going Backwards
You may have heard periods separation anxiety referred to as 'regressions' —but they are in fact a sign that your baby’s brain and attachment are developing in exactly the right direction. Sleep never regresses but it's also not linear. You’re raising a securely attached child who trusts that you’ll be there when they need you. That’s powerful.
If you’re in the thick of it and struggling to know how to support your baby and get more sleep for everyone, I can help. My gentle, responsive sleep support is all about working with your baby’s development—not against it.
You don’t have to choose between sleep and connection. You can have both. Contact me here to start your journey.