Big changes can mean tricky nights. Learn gentle, practical tips to protect your little one’s sleep while they settle into nursery, with the childminder or transition to school.
The emotions, time and admin involved in choosing and registering for nursery or childcare can be overwhelming. Then in your next chapter, you’ll be experiencing a whole new range of emotions that come when your little one begins their first sessions. Whether this is tied with you returning to work, to free up some time for yourself or because your little one is ready for some new social experiences or they're off to school - everyone’s worries and experience will differ.
This is a huge milestone in your parenting journey so if you’re feeling anxious about this stage, please know, you’re not alone. I also totally get that knowing this and dealing with it are two different things. So I’m right here with you to delve into what you might need to consider during your little one’s settling in period and offer some practical tips. In this post we will cover:
- Settling in to childcare
- Sleep at nursery
- How you can support your little one during this transition
Settling in to childcare
Sessions
Most nurseries and childminders will offer a series of settling in sessions which aim to gradually introduce your little one to the environment, routines and adult/s. Do make the most of these as they will not only boost your child’s confidence as they’ll be building trust in their new surroundings and adults but they will also provide reassurance for you.
If it’s not offered, consider building up the time your baby or child spends at nursery or with the child minder by starting with a morning only, then including nap time, building up to part of an afternoon before doing a full day.
If your child is taking longer to settle in than you expected, try not to worry and go with the flow if you can – a few extra settling in sessions may be all they need to feel ready.
Positivity and expectations
Children are experts at picking up on our emotions so talk through what they can expect in a positive way. For example, ‘I wonder what you’ll find in the garden.’ ‘There is a colourful box of cars I bet you’ll love.’ ‘Today you’ll stay for a yummy snack’. ‘I can’t wait to hear about your fun day’.
Some children may benefit from a social story which outlines what may happen in each part of the day and how situations can be handled. If you’d like some support with this, I have Social Stories Training and will be happy to help you co-write a personalised story for your child and their situation.
You could also consider picking up a few stories about starting nursery.
Do I stay or do I go?
Some provider will allow a parent to stay for some of the sessions – some babies and children may need this extra support whereas others may not. Either way, do keep your ‘goodbye’ short, sweet and positive. Consider having a goodbye ritual using a key phrase and maybe leaving your little one with a special toy/ comfort item or object which reminds them of you. One thing is for sure through, the more drawn out the parting, the more painful it can be. Keyworkers are used to dealing with tears and upset and will provide lots of comfort if it’s needed. Here are some key phrases you can use:
- I can’t wait to hug you after lunch today
- I’ll be thinking about you
- I love you
In addition to these, try a transitional object or visual:
- Give your little one something of yours to look after (I always liked a hair band because it’ll fit snugly on their wrist)
- If nursery allow it, let them take something of their choice from home to keep in their bag
- Can they have a photo of you somewhere in the nursery?
- Draw a small heart on their hand and yours. Call it a love button and explain that when it’s pressed, the other person will feel it in their heart
Sleep at nursery
This is a really common worry for many parents when their baby or little starts daycare and I totally get it – you’ve worked so hard setting up a routine and things have been going so well – your little one is thriving on such predictability, you know what to expect and when and now....who knows?!
Quite honestly, this won’t be something you can necessarily predict or plan for. So I give you permission to play this out and simply see what happens – then make a plan.
This is largely down to temperament. While some babies are adaptable and not particularly sensitive, others are less adaptable and more sensitive to their environment. Maybe you’ve got a little one who will nap anywhere – on the go, at granny’s or at that rave (joking). On the flip side, does your little one only sleep in their cot, in a pitch black room and white noise? Rest assured, your baby will likely take a nap at nursery. Of course, it may not be as long as it would be at home but keyworkers are skilled in this department – they will have their own tips and tricks and many parents actually report that their baby sleeps better at daycare than at home....yes it really can happen!
Nap policy
Ask for information about your providers nap policy so you know what to expect. Some nurseries will cap naps on request, whereas others have a no-waking policy. Some nurseries also have a set number of naps which are offered and knowing this will allow you to plan your bedtime and whether catch up naps need to happen.
What can you do to help?
- First and foremost, try not to worry. Some things are simply out of your control. You can control how you respond and make a plan once things have settled.
- Send in some familiar objects from your baby’s sleep environment such as a slept in sleeping bag, blanket or a comforter (consider buying a duplicate) if they are old enough.
- Validate their feelings.
- Keep your expectations realistic. Significant changes like this can impact behaviour – you may see signs of separation anxiety and this is to be expected. Do meet your child where they’re at on this one. Provide that extra comfort and support as needed and remember – this is a season and you will come out the other side.
- Plan for some love-bombing! After a period of separation, some 1:1 connection is the best remedy. Do something you both love. It doesn’t have to be extravagant – after all, you may only have time for dinner and your bedtime routine so think – singing songs, a little dance or co-bathing.
- If your little is particularly tired (either because of the extra stimulation or a shorter nap) consider bringing bedtime a little earlier.
- Allow your little one to take a slightly earlier nap at the weekends if they are struggling – providing this doesn’t negatively affect your nights or mornings.
- Schedule some down-time. Thinking of booking that baby class or club? Often our littles need some down time to reconnect at home and with their special people. The extra stuff can honestly wait a while.
- You matter too so take some time to consider what effective self-care looks like for you. Is it coffee with a friend? Exercise? Cooking? Be honest with yourself about what you need and how you can make this happen. This isn’t a luxury, it’s essential in order for you to be able to care for others.
Check out this Instagram post about the kind of behavioural changes you may experience in waking hours and at night when your little one is experiencing some significant changes to their normal routine. You'll find some extra tips over there too!
If you need some more support with your little one’s sleep, check out my availability for a free 15 minute call to discuss your challenges and goals. You’re never alone.
Luci x