As a first time, expectant mother I had this ideal view of what birth and the first trimester would be like. I took NCT classes, I was calm, relaxed, ready (as ready as you can be!) and I was excited for our next chapter, despite the known challenges. Unfortunately, my expectations did not materialise. I found birth really hard, I pushed for two hours and Mack, my first, was born via ventous when his heart rate began to drop. In the weeks after giving birth, I was so so sore, disorientated and within days things really spiralled. 

Mack had a 100% posterior tongue tie, he lost significant birth weight and I was told he was “failing to thrive” (thank goodness this term is now being phased out!) so had to supplement breastfeeding with formula, which was never part of my feeding plan and I truly felt like I’d failed in this area. We had a tough ride with getting him an emergency tongue tie division on the NHS – no one could tell us how long we would wait to be seen. We went privately but during this time I was on a strict feeding and pumping schedule alongside doing bottle top ups. 

I was absolutely exhausted and at breaking point when things got even worse - at 5 weeks Mack was rushed into hospital with a twisted intestine. The consultants prepared us for the worst because the odds did not look good for Mack. Amazingly, surgery was successful and he stayed in PICU and on the high dependency for just over a week. Needless to say, I was relieved, grateful, in shock and all the other feelings imaginable. Because he was unable to breastfeed for a round a week, this just felt like the biggest backwards leap for our feeding journey. By this point I was sleep deprived and my mental health was in absolute tatters. I wasn’t able to accept help despite it being offered and when I had the opportunity to catch up on sleep I couldn’t because I was so anxious. I had a constant fog. I felt out of control. I lacked focus and patience. I was making mistakes. I barely recognised myself. I was unable to care for myself well and I simply wasn’t enjoying being a new mummy. 

I knew something needed to change so I contacted a well known sleep trainer because I felt like I needed a quick fix. During the consultation there was minimal information gathered about his birth or medical history. No discussion about my mental health or my capacity to make changes. No questions were asked about my parenting style or my goals. I was sent a plan within hours which was essentially a ‘controlled crying’ approach. I didn’t know any better and I got straight on with it. 

I absolutely hate that in my vulnerability I was led to believe this was the only way forward. But it did send me on a mission to do better. To be curious, to care, to rule out underlying factors, to inform others about normal infant sleep, to shout about the importance of tuning into your instincts, to take parenting, attachment and a child’s need for responsiveness into consideration, to be true to myself and serve other’s in the best way possible to protect aspects of their parenting which are important to them. There is honestly so much noise out there and sometimes it’s hard to be heard through it, but please know if you’re looking for a space between cry it out/ controlled crying and doing nothing – you are in the right place. 

Please don’t be me – you can avoid reaching crisis point and I can help you gain confidence, clarity and understanding so you can enjoy restful nights, peaceful evenings and enjoy your parenting experience.

I'd love to support you with your sleep journey.